I am feeling lonely, So lonely, that my chest literally hurts. Sadness causes chest pain as well. It starts with a feeling of emptiness, disappointment.., and it is as consuming as a black hole. I am alone and I hurt.
I go out, see my friends, we laugh and we talk, getting louder and louder, a laughter like a cry. But the moment I say goodbye the feeling is back. I return back home, play some music, read some books, talk to God. This heart of mine which is designed to contain her, is filled with its own misery. Is that how sorrow feels?
How easily we gave our heart away, we don't even realize! but once we've given it how can we take it back? When you love, can you make your heart not to love. Night comes with dreams, dreams of my past, dreams that take me to times when life was heaven, dreams take me to the world, i had dreamt of with open eyes.. It looks so realistic that after getting up in the morning it takes me a while to understand where i am now ..... morning comes so often, every day, i am getting scared of it...
When you are alone, you get a chance to question yourself, and fight with your inner self. I have been doing this, I have been telling myself for a while now that I am not perfect, i am prone to commit mistakes, but I am not convinced. Why should I commit a mistake when i know i have a brain to differentiate between good and bad things... I got the answer, The things you do, can be good from someone's perspective and bad from others at the same time. Its actually you who decide if it is bad or good and to know this, you need to listen to your inner self, you will get the answer. There are only two things that might happen: Either you listen to people and do things according to them, or do things what your inner self says and be ready to listen to people not convinced with your act, but that does not mean you are wrong, because they are not seeing what you are seeing, and that something is your intention. We tend to think we should not do something because others may not feel good about it and thats where we take wrong decisions... that's where insecurity arises, you stop being yourself and people start leaving you because you become unpredictable... and then loneliness and emptiness knock your door...
But again, I know nobody is alone in this world,everybody is interconnected. when i look at others, i am actually looking at myself. just like the dream world, there is no reality to this world. we can only experience the world,created by our minds.
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