Its been more than a month.... I have been thinking and trying to understand few things that i never tried to or you may say never got enough time required for such things. And since I am jobless nowadays and have virtually nothing to do, I am trying to understand where i stand in my life, not in terms of money or any concrete things, but as a person, as a God's creature. Am i solving the purpose of living on this earth, Am i the same, what God must have thought while planting the seed of life in my body.
I know, my friends, my family and everyone who cares for me, must be thinking I am just wasting my time doing all this, but to be very frank, i am unable to lead a normal life for the time being and my inner self is restless. When you stop listening to your inner self , its easy to hurt people and go ahead, when you meet with accident, chances are you will be fit again to lead a normal life after few days or few months... but when your inner self is wounded, you can not do anything.. really can not.. I have been thinking and thinking... have understood few things, this life is an ocean of knowledge, the deeper you go, the more valuable things you find.
I have understood, Following good things are not easy things to do. I can see why people and why this whole world is going towards wrong direction. First of all finding the right path is very difficult and somehow if you are able to do that, sticking to that is even more difficult.. You should be ready to face people's hatred, rejections, comments and worst ready to loose people you love the most. Then why would someone take this path? Just because you love people and God.
You may do something with a good intention, without telling the intention to others, but you never know when and how it may turn out to be a reason to make people think you had been trying to play with their trust and emotions, they will leave you, they will say all the possible bad things, and you will be left behind, alone, thinking what was your fault, you just wanted to make them happy.. It happens quite often, being good is not an easy task as i said.. and also you need to have extra strong heart to face the criticism, the bad words come from your dear ones. You need to have faith in what you do.
I have been fighting with my inner self and trying to keep people happy in whatever manner i could, hiding my pain, my problems, and my desires, trying to follow what had promised myself few months ago, well i am not a perfect man, i would never be.. but i never gave up.. just a thought of getting there gives you so much of satisfaction.. i failed many times... yes many times.. but i was still able to overcome so many of my weaknesses or problems that i had found in me... still few things needed more time to go.. just few things had left, that i had to leave and i was fighting hard, was unable to sleep... had to overcome very soon.. had very less time.. and before i could do it, everything was over.. But I did not give up... I need to know the limits of the fighter inside me. Till it is alive, i will never give up.. I will and I have to end what i had started, never mind if people are not around to see, to ask me, to correct me or to tell me that i am getting better day by day, if i am true to myself, i will never be doing anything wrong.. it does not mean i will never hurt anyone, but hurting people does not always mean you wanted to hurt them or you were doing something wrong, its just that they are not able to see whats there in your heart and not seeing how badly you are trying...
This is the time when i needed people, my dearest ones, to be around, giving me some sort of support and say hey don't worry, keep trying, does not matter if you are failing over and over again... this is what i needed, but it did not and it does not happen. People will leave you... they always leave you at wrong time, just before you are able to achieve something that they were waiting for, and all of sudden you will feel the void.. and you may feel whats the need to do it anymore, who is there to see and feel happy about it.. but... everyone has to go, today or tomorrow, you still need to continue the battle of overcoming weaknesses and the bad things in you.. of course at the cost of all the good things in life... your friends, your love, you may cry, you may be ruined, but who said the path of truth and God is easy.. you have to scarify everything you love... One day you will win, and no one will be there around to cheer you, to celebrate the win of truth and good things over the lies and bad things....
Your feelings and emotions are equally dear to you. At times you must give up doing things you find you are not doing for the sake of happiness of others, even if you like them and find them attractive and useful; at other times, you must involve yourself in things you do not like doing, which are against your temperament, only because they please others.
At times you should suppress your urge to speak, and fall silent, even if that urge is compulsive; at times you may have to overcome your desire to remain silent, and speak up. You may feel anger rising up in you, an urge to revenge, to speak evil - yet you must hold your tongue.
At times you may prefer solitude and quiet, yet you may have to plunge into intense social activities and contacts; at others, you may very much want to mix socially, but you may have to withdraw into solitude.
You may aspire to be 'something' or 'somebody'; those aspirations may have to be totally abandoned. Your ambitions, your plans, may need to be scrapped.
"We can give up something we love only for something we love more"
We can not give up something that you love the most... never.. its not in your hand, it is sacrifice...
Sacrifice for other's happiness..
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